$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Randomize
