# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
