When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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