I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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