I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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