worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
