The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
