Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
