I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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