I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
