He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
