Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
