Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
just tell him i said nine months
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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