Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize