Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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