I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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