i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
