Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
