Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize