Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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