What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
