I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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