i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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