does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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