fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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