I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
