Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
