yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
