saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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