The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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