what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
