they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.