I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
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I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
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I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.