were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.