You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
