girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
jump out the window naked night went bad
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
