I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
