and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
