It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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