im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
