if you like me you must not know who I am
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I need to sanitize my soul.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
