She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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