why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
