Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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