he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize