So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
40s are totally the cure
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
