Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Houston, we have a squirter
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i believe in u and ur pee
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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