u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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