Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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