next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
