i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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