I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
