I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
