just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
