nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
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