Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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