Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
