You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
