That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
