I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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