My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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