saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
