Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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