Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
