some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
